Thursday, July 24, 2014

Forward Thinking

Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon

July 17th; 17 days shy of my 14th anniversary at my employer and the day my position was eliminated. Thinking over the past 14 years, I am in awe of how much has transpired in my life. During that balmy Seattle summer in 2000, I was so excited and full of promise, being out here on my own in the great & beautiful Pacific Northwest.  I had accepted the position knowing it would take me 3000 miles away from any family members. I knew no one in Seattle; now 14 years on, I've built a life here with friends and colleagues who fill the role of my extended family.

My employer had been - at times - both my best friend and my worst enemy.  It was the longest, most stable relationship I'd had.  It kept me awake countless nights & was a comfort to me when needed.  It saw me through tough times, and celebrated with me in good times.  In short: it was my life, my identity and my support system.
My emotions are mixed relief & happiness, with a little sorrow over leaving this part of my life behind. Like any good thing, this must end.  When you lose your job, people expect you to be devastated & heartbroken. Upon hearing the news I felt relief; I knew it was time for me to move on and had already mentally prepared myself to do so.  I prayed for this…I prayed for substantive change in my life and my prayer was answered.  I am ever so grateful and blessed for that.
As has been the case all along, my company set me on the right path.  In preparing for Act 2 of this screenplay I affectionately call "My Life", I'm once again filled with a sense of promise and hope for a future filled with successful ventures, laughter, and kinship. I don't anticipate looking back; only forward.
Always & forever...forward.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014


I've decided to lay it all out there and write out the characteristics I'm looking for in a mate. After all, if I don't verbalize what I'm hoping for, does he really exist in the first place?

With that, my perfect man must posses the following qualities:

#1 - He must be a practicing Christian. I've chosen to walk this path & I want my partner to walk with me & believe in the philosophies and teachings of Jesus Christ.

#2 - He must be loyal and honest. A real man knows a good thing when he has it and will rise up & do anything necessary to stay faithful to the woman he loves.

#3 - He must be gainfully employed. He doesn't have to be rich; just make enough to pay his bills every month & have enough left over to pick up the tab now & again.

#4 - He must look to me as a partner  but be willing and able to take the lead when necessary. I'm not looking for someone to boss me around; just someone to step up & be a man.

#5 - He must be hygienically sound and take pride in his appearance. Looks aren't everything but body odor is a deal breaker.

#6 - He must love kids. And dogs. Who knows if I'm destined to have children, but I want a man who can embrace the children (human & canine) I do have in my life already.

#7 - He must be family-oriented. Family is blood, but they can also be poison. My perfect mate is good at walking the familial line and maintaining healthy boundaries.

#8 - He must be intelligent. Not looking specifically for Mensa, but a thirst for knowledge and an affinity for reading are a must.

Come out, come out wherever you are...

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Soul Full

If the sexual revolution was partly intended to make women feel empowered to embrace their sexual selves, and alleviate the guilt associated with casual sex, then why do my female friends often express remorse after such an encounter? In the process of breaking down a perceived puritanical values system "for the greater good", have we cracked the moral compass to the point where it can not be repaired?

With freedom comes responsibility; specifically responsibility for ones emotional, spiritual and physical selves. This might make feminists the world over shudder in disgust but perhaps we've gone too far in laying too heavy expectations and unfulfilled promises onto our womenfolk.  In the interest of making political and social progress, we've turned off the spiritual switch.  Ensuring balance in our lives means nurturing our spirit and soul in some way, shape or form. If women stopped and thought about what they are doing when they lay down with another person out of a strictly physical or emotional need, then they would have an opportunity to think through the potential impact to their spiritual well-being.

To be clear, this writing is in no way intended to blame, finger point, chastise or "Bible-thump". Just because I'm a woman who recently became a Christian, doesn't mean I'm better than the gal next to me. On the contrary, these are opinions I formed long before taking the proverbial plunge into Jesus' hands. I gave up casual relationships a full year prior to being baptized. And as tempted as I've been since, I know for myself that guilt and remorse are not my happy places; spiritual awareness of self and soul is truly preferred.  I believe that every woman (and man for that matter) needs to make those decisions for themselves based on their personal belief system and moral foundation.

If I could give any bit of advice to my female friends, it would be to really listen to what your spirit and soul are telling you.  We talk about the head and the heart all the time, but never about tapping into your spirituality as a decision guide. Do you feel a connection to the other person deep within, to the point where you know without a doubt that person is going to respect and cherish you still, in the bright of day? If not, then I think you have your answer, or at least enough to question the action. Tapping into your spiritual side and heeding to the direction you are intended to go will pay dividends over time. In the end, the choice is truly yours.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Gaining at traction

Attraction is a funny beast.  Reason dictates that when you are attracted to someone, it's a good thing. You are drawn to that person by a force from deep within, and therefore sense you are (theoretically) in the right place. That being said, reality is often devoid of reason and as we all know from experience, we are often attracted to the wrong person.

You know me...I write a lot about this stuff. Some may think my writing is akin to whining but I like to view it more as an observation of the human condition, and more specifically MY human condition.  Relationships are fascinating creatures to me. They take on a pulse of their own from inception and have a very distinct life cycle, regardless of how long or short. Every last one of them - platonic or otherwise - begins with attraction. And when you start mixing in sexual chemistry, that's when things start to go awry.

I have a friend who - when commenting on the unsuccessful dating habits of another friend - used the phrase "not fishing from her own pond."  At first I was annoyed at her for being so narrow minded: how dare she insinuate that someone is flawed for being attracted to men that others deem too good for her!

Then I became Christian and suddenly the phrase took on a whole new meaning.  All of a sudden, men I'm attracted to have to meet a whole other set of job requirements in order to get past the first screening. Where I would have settled before, I'm finding myself in a situation where that isn't an option. But that doesn't change the fact that I might still be physically attracted to someone who is not right for me, and frankly - I'm likely not what he is looking for in a date either.

Matthew 4:1-11 is about inner struggle and the complications of staying true to oneself.  Jesus found the strength within himself to stay on His true path.  This is a struggle we all deal with, regardless of faith.  Elizabeth, AD is still new to this way of thinking and I find myself conflicted when, on a Saturday night  in a packed room surrounded by people I know and admire, I still can't help feeling a little bit lonely.  Especially, when I encounter men with whom I would otherwise be coquettish. Then I remember that's the me I left behind, when I stepped into that water on that spring afternoon last year.  I made a conscious choice to become Christian, and put my faith in Jesus. When my singledom starts to get me down, I remind myself it's for the Greater Good. I'm in a much better place now than I ever was. My soul has never felt more nurtured, in spite of the fact that my physical being craves attention.  Its really about conditioning and remembering why that life was left behind.  I don't believe you can control to whom you are attracted, but knowing who you are and embracing your values, can make or break you in the long run.