In Seattle, the very mention of Pioneer Square (“P2”) for some people conjures up images of needle exchanges and homeless men lined up outside the many missions that call the neighborhood home. For hipsters and art appreciators, the numerous galleries and antique shops in this area of town comprises an artistic hamlet-within-a-city, with one of the most vibrant art districts in the country. History buffs like the area for the not-so-distant past role it played in the Alaska Gold Rush. For sports fans, P2 is a gateway to our city’s three major sports teams, with the Clink and Safeco Field mere steps away; it also serves as an after-party venue for those wishing to celebrate or, more often than not in Seattle, drown their sorrows after a game.
In any event, I have come to regard P2 as a colorful and quirky, culturally significant place I call home. I’m comfortable here. Even with all the homeless and the tweekers, I have rarely felt my safety to be compromised and feel absolutely fine walking around after dark with my dog. But I’m also constantly on my guard when walking after daylight hours as there is still that seedy element that populates any urban area. And lest I forget and let my guard down, I am continuously reminded of the existence of the dark side that will occasionally rear its ugly head and demand attention.
The most recent reminder happened on Friday night: Seahawks Pre-Season Game Night. Because of the neighborhood’s proximity to the Stadiums, I’ve learned to tolerate the presence of the Sports Fans. Seahawks fans though, are particularly challenging. They do dumb stuff – like have tailgate parties at 7AM, and then leave their trash for the seagulls to pick through. They dump there extinguished charcoal briskets in the weeds where the neighborhood dogs go to take care of business, forcing owners to walk over ash. They get drunk early in the day, and then spend the rest of the time terrorizing an otherwise peaceful area with their wild debauchery. Not that I’m opposed to debauchery; I just prefer my debauchery be done in the dark confines of seedy bars and not out on the street in the light of day.
I could hear of lot of things happening down on the street Friday night, but due to the angle of my apartment, I wasn’t able to see much. Saturday morning dawned bright and clear, so I decided to take my dog for a walk. Sure enough, the streets were littered with trash, empty bottles and the subsequent vomit.
Gross.
But that was actually not the most disturbing sight I saw. I happened across an abandoned purse in a lot under the Viaduct. The bag was innocuous enough, sitting in a mess of broken glass as it clearly had been the unwitting victim in a smash-and-grab altercation. Upon closer inspection I realized this purse had been violated – raped and pillaged; forced to give up its most valuable possession. The discarded bits – a novel by Nicolas Sparks, makeup, receipts, grocery lists – were strewn about with little regard for the value they held for the rightful owner. Gone, of course, was the wallet and any identifying information it presumeably contained.
I felt a sense of mourning for the demise of the bag. Or rather what the bag represented – a life lived by a woman who maintained neatly-written grocery lists of chicken, eggs, granola and cottage cheese. A woman who likes to read real-books. A woman who keeps old receipts forever and a day for no particular reason. A woman who carried a faux-Juicy bag because she was too frugal for the real-deal.
A woman kind of like me – minus the faux-Juicy.
For me, it was a reminder that no one is immune from the bad things in life. It can strike at any point and leave you sprawled out on the streets with your entrails hanging out for the world to see. You just have to be prepared to pick up the pieces when it happens.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Lesson Learned
Boundaries.
Everyone has their limit: the threshold they personally set for how much they will tolerate, and how far they will let others take advantage before they start pushing back and reacting in anger to a situation in which they placed themselves. For some of us, that threshold is very high, which potentially puts us in a situation where we can be taken advantage of by our colleagues and peers. For me personally, the result of this higher threshold has meant many a sleepless night and worrisome hours. But up until now, that’s been my albatross to bear; a burden I felt I could shoulder because it was just easier than tackling the underlying confidence issues that have plagued me since I was a child. That is until two days ago when I got hit where it really counted: my pocketbook.
After meeting with my new manager, I was concerned about my review score – a score which was advocated for by my old manager. I went back to the source and was told in no uncertain terms I needed to reduce the friction between myself and my co-worker if I wanted to move up.
WHAT?? Are you KIDDING ME, Boss Man?? It takes two to tango, buddy, and I am not leading this dance!
He assured me he provided the same feedback to her, and that she had a lot she needed to work on related to her interpersonal relationships within the team as well. But *I* really needed to evaluate my role in our relationship, and learn to take the high road. He’d seen me do it with other people…why couldn’t I do it with her?
OK – FINE! I guess he is right.
As I was contemplating the feedback, I began to realize this situation could have been avoided had I simply set the appropriate boundaries with this person, and then stood my ground and not allow her to cross into that emotional dangerzone where I allowed her to get the best of me. I’m a feisty Irish-Italian-American with a festering temper; by allowing her to cross those lines that should have been reinforced with emotional barbed wire, I enabled her to trip the landmine and let my distaste and impatience of her annoying little personality quirks get the best of me, and be put on display for the world to see. And now I have to pay the price. Literally.
At 40, I’ve been in the professional workforce for 18 years. I really should know better. And believe me – the message has been received loud and clear. My unwillingness to take the high road here cost me about $4K in bonus money. That’s a tangible amount…and a proverbial brick wall that I hit going 60MPH. I guess it’s time to buckle up (or down, as the case may be) and learn how to cut people like that off at the pass. To not do so, would be doing only myself a disservice, and frankly, that’s too heavy a burden to carry.
Everyone has their limit: the threshold they personally set for how much they will tolerate, and how far they will let others take advantage before they start pushing back and reacting in anger to a situation in which they placed themselves. For some of us, that threshold is very high, which potentially puts us in a situation where we can be taken advantage of by our colleagues and peers. For me personally, the result of this higher threshold has meant many a sleepless night and worrisome hours. But up until now, that’s been my albatross to bear; a burden I felt I could shoulder because it was just easier than tackling the underlying confidence issues that have plagued me since I was a child. That is until two days ago when I got hit where it really counted: my pocketbook.
After meeting with my new manager, I was concerned about my review score – a score which was advocated for by my old manager. I went back to the source and was told in no uncertain terms I needed to reduce the friction between myself and my co-worker if I wanted to move up.
WHAT?? Are you KIDDING ME, Boss Man?? It takes two to tango, buddy, and I am not leading this dance!
He assured me he provided the same feedback to her, and that she had a lot she needed to work on related to her interpersonal relationships within the team as well. But *I* really needed to evaluate my role in our relationship, and learn to take the high road. He’d seen me do it with other people…why couldn’t I do it with her?
OK – FINE! I guess he is right.
As I was contemplating the feedback, I began to realize this situation could have been avoided had I simply set the appropriate boundaries with this person, and then stood my ground and not allow her to cross into that emotional dangerzone where I allowed her to get the best of me. I’m a feisty Irish-Italian-American with a festering temper; by allowing her to cross those lines that should have been reinforced with emotional barbed wire, I enabled her to trip the landmine and let my distaste and impatience of her annoying little personality quirks get the best of me, and be put on display for the world to see. And now I have to pay the price. Literally.
At 40, I’ve been in the professional workforce for 18 years. I really should know better. And believe me – the message has been received loud and clear. My unwillingness to take the high road here cost me about $4K in bonus money. That’s a tangible amount…and a proverbial brick wall that I hit going 60MPH. I guess it’s time to buckle up (or down, as the case may be) and learn how to cut people like that off at the pass. To not do so, would be doing only myself a disservice, and frankly, that’s too heavy a burden to carry.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
25 Things You Didn't Know About Me
Since I started back at the gym, I've been reading the trashy magazines people leave behind to make the time go faster while on the treadmill. One of these rags has a regular column entitled "25 Things You Didnt Know About Me", featuring a different celebrity revealing previously unknown facts about themselves every week. For lack of anything else to write, I thought I would give it a go. Here's my take:
1. I went to 14 schools before finally graduating from James Pace High School in Brownsville, TX.
2. I lived on four continents before I was 21, including Asia, Central America, Africa and North America.
3. I am the eldest daughter in a family of five.
4. I'm a proud Irish-English-Italian-Dutch American.
5. I suffered from chronic insomnia and the occasional migraine while in my last job. I quit that job after having to go to the ER.
6. I had seven operations on my ears by the time I was 12; the last operation nearly killed me as I had an allergic reaction to the anethesia and stopped breathing.
7. I was born in New Hampshire but do not consider in home even though my extended family lives there.
8. I have a tattoo of a phoenix on my lower back and will soon have a Celtic cross between my shoulder blades (once I can find someone to hold my hand!).
9. I love my nieces and nephews to pieces even if they drive me mad with their unstoppable energy!
10. I was a closet Menudo fan when I was in high school actually met my favorite Menudo member two years ago and hung out with him in his bedroom!
11. I am very close to my siblings (and sibling-in-law).
12. I majored in poli sci and minored in Art History (even tho I now wish it was the other way around).
13. I tried to be a vegetarian once and discovered an unfortunate intolerance to soy products.
14. I am passionate about protecting the rights of the illegal, tired, poor and hungry masses.
15. I didn’t really kiss a boy until I was 18, nor did I hold a boy's hand until I was 17. I was a late bloomer.
16. I *heart* Peanut Butter M&Ms and Cherry Twizzlers.
17. I didn’t go to my senior prom because I had chicken pox.
18. I love brown-rice sushi.
19. If I could live anywhere in the world, it would be London. I fantasize about living among the Brits.
20. I am a closet pop princess. I secretly envy Christina and Pink. I pity Britney.
21. I am a hopeless romantic, in spite of my "bitterness". In Sex and the City terms, I am 80% Miranda, 20% Carrie - bitter and neurotic! A truly happy combination indeed!
22. I published my first magazine article two years ago and my first guest blog this year.
23. I love the smell of maple sugar boiling over an open wood fire, outside in the New England frost. Even though I don't want to live there.
24. I accidentally locked my cat in the refrigerator for 8 hours when he was a kitten!
25. I love the dark.
1. I went to 14 schools before finally graduating from James Pace High School in Brownsville, TX.
2. I lived on four continents before I was 21, including Asia, Central America, Africa and North America.
3. I am the eldest daughter in a family of five.
4. I'm a proud Irish-English-Italian-Dutch American.
5. I suffered from chronic insomnia and the occasional migraine while in my last job. I quit that job after having to go to the ER.
6. I had seven operations on my ears by the time I was 12; the last operation nearly killed me as I had an allergic reaction to the anethesia and stopped breathing.
7. I was born in New Hampshire but do not consider in home even though my extended family lives there.
8. I have a tattoo of a phoenix on my lower back and will soon have a Celtic cross between my shoulder blades (once I can find someone to hold my hand!).
9. I love my nieces and nephews to pieces even if they drive me mad with their unstoppable energy!
10. I was a closet Menudo fan when I was in high school actually met my favorite Menudo member two years ago and hung out with him in his bedroom!
11. I am very close to my siblings (and sibling-in-law).
12. I majored in poli sci and minored in Art History (even tho I now wish it was the other way around).
13. I tried to be a vegetarian once and discovered an unfortunate intolerance to soy products.
14. I am passionate about protecting the rights of the illegal, tired, poor and hungry masses.
15. I didn’t really kiss a boy until I was 18, nor did I hold a boy's hand until I was 17. I was a late bloomer.
16. I *heart* Peanut Butter M&Ms and Cherry Twizzlers.
17. I didn’t go to my senior prom because I had chicken pox.
18. I love brown-rice sushi.
19. If I could live anywhere in the world, it would be London. I fantasize about living among the Brits.
20. I am a closet pop princess. I secretly envy Christina and Pink. I pity Britney.
21. I am a hopeless romantic, in spite of my "bitterness". In Sex and the City terms, I am 80% Miranda, 20% Carrie - bitter and neurotic! A truly happy combination indeed!
22. I published my first magazine article two years ago and my first guest blog this year.
23. I love the smell of maple sugar boiling over an open wood fire, outside in the New England frost. Even though I don't want to live there.
24. I accidentally locked my cat in the refrigerator for 8 hours when he was a kitten!
25. I love the dark.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Earth, Baby Oh, Baby!
Life is funny. It takes you down a long, windy path and occasionally leads you off-course by forcing you to take a detour you didn’t anticipate, but that could lead you to a happy surprise. Kinda like the detour I took a month ago when I signed up to help a friend manage his two - yes TWO - companies in addition to my (very full-)time day job at Wonderland. Albeit, this is a decision I made with both eyes open, knowing full well what I was getting into. Still - having three full-time gigs is for the birds. Then again, I like birds. Such tenacious creatures, always plucking at breadcrumbs and mocking my poor dog from the telephone wires.
I digress.
It was on this detour that I found myself last week in a crowded bar, mixing and mingling with others in my assumed career field, attempting to evangelize my company(ies) so we can make money. This is done all in the vain hope that I can one day quit my day job and become a Music Mogul. It was in this crowded bar that I made the acquaintance of D, a quiet and observant fellow sitting across the table from me.
He smiled at me; I smiled at him.
I may have noticed his lovely blue-green eyes.
Or not.
OK, fine...I did!
*blush*
We attempted to make conversation above the noisy din, but had a few false starts as neither of us appeared to be adept at reading lips. As the evening wore on and it quieted down to a dull roar, we talked about many things including his career as an archeologist-slash-musician-slash-artist, and my pathetic quest to become E. Diddy.
When he found out the latter, D was really keen to tell me about his brother's band - Earth, Baby. Now - I’ve found in my one month of Music Moguling that I can expect this to happen a lot. People I know for 10 minutes want to tell me all about their favorite band and why they are the best band in the world! But D is kinda cute and, more importantly - he seemed to have a brain - so I listened with genuine interest. After all, we are in scouting mode for our label, so why not? I gave D my card and asked him to get in touch with me if he wanted to pass on the band’s CD. Which he did. With this, I was most impressed as most people dont typically bother with the follow-through.
I do my best listening in my car, driving to and from work, or heading out on errands. I find I can concentrate mostly on the music when I don’t have any other distractions…well, that is except for ensuring the 18-wheeler coasting a little too close to my car doesn’t clip me and put me in a tailspin at 80mph!
So...there I was in my car coming back from the lovely little town of Arlington (don’t ask) and listening to the Earth, Baby CD - Yellow House - trying to place the familiar sound. I don’t usually like drawing comparisons between bands as that always feels like I am somehow devaluing one band's original compositions. But on the other hand, there is something to be said for drawing inspiration from those who influence your formative years. At one point, while listening to Track 7 (sorry – my car is old and doesn’t have the fancy sound system that tells you the name of song you are listening to), it came to me! Earth, Baby is like this modern-day hybrid of the Beach Boys, the Beatles and Blink-182 - all rolled into one happy little package! Yellow House is a really fun album and very well produced. There aren’t many bands that can bridge a generation gap, but I really think Earth, Baby can potentially have a wide appeal across many demographics. Their shtick is young and fresh but with a developed, full sound that clearly draws inspiration from pop legends that came before them, and served as their teachers and virtual mentors.
If you want to know of what I speak, there's a really cool video on YouTube. Note the gratuitous booty shot at 23 seconds.
All that being said, I'd really like to hear what their next offering sounds like. I want to know how they have grown in the two years since releasing Yellow House. D tells me they are coming out with a new album soon and I, for one, am waiting in anticipation.
I digress.
It was on this detour that I found myself last week in a crowded bar, mixing and mingling with others in my assumed career field, attempting to evangelize my company(ies) so we can make money. This is done all in the vain hope that I can one day quit my day job and become a Music Mogul. It was in this crowded bar that I made the acquaintance of D, a quiet and observant fellow sitting across the table from me.
He smiled at me; I smiled at him.
I may have noticed his lovely blue-green eyes.
Or not.
OK, fine...I did!
*blush*
We attempted to make conversation above the noisy din, but had a few false starts as neither of us appeared to be adept at reading lips. As the evening wore on and it quieted down to a dull roar, we talked about many things including his career as an archeologist-slash-musician-slash-artist, and my pathetic quest to become E. Diddy.
When he found out the latter, D was really keen to tell me about his brother's band - Earth, Baby. Now - I’ve found in my one month of Music Moguling that I can expect this to happen a lot. People I know for 10 minutes want to tell me all about their favorite band and why they are the best band in the world! But D is kinda cute and, more importantly - he seemed to have a brain - so I listened with genuine interest. After all, we are in scouting mode for our label, so why not? I gave D my card and asked him to get in touch with me if he wanted to pass on the band’s CD. Which he did. With this, I was most impressed as most people dont typically bother with the follow-through.
I do my best listening in my car, driving to and from work, or heading out on errands. I find I can concentrate mostly on the music when I don’t have any other distractions…well, that is except for ensuring the 18-wheeler coasting a little too close to my car doesn’t clip me and put me in a tailspin at 80mph!
So...there I was in my car coming back from the lovely little town of Arlington (don’t ask) and listening to the Earth, Baby CD - Yellow House - trying to place the familiar sound. I don’t usually like drawing comparisons between bands as that always feels like I am somehow devaluing one band's original compositions. But on the other hand, there is something to be said for drawing inspiration from those who influence your formative years. At one point, while listening to Track 7 (sorry – my car is old and doesn’t have the fancy sound system that tells you the name of song you are listening to), it came to me! Earth, Baby is like this modern-day hybrid of the Beach Boys, the Beatles and Blink-182 - all rolled into one happy little package! Yellow House is a really fun album and very well produced. There aren’t many bands that can bridge a generation gap, but I really think Earth, Baby can potentially have a wide appeal across many demographics. Their shtick is young and fresh but with a developed, full sound that clearly draws inspiration from pop legends that came before them, and served as their teachers and virtual mentors.
If you want to know of what I speak, there's a really cool video on YouTube. Note the gratuitous booty shot at 23 seconds.
All that being said, I'd really like to hear what their next offering sounds like. I want to know how they have grown in the two years since releasing Yellow House. D tells me they are coming out with a new album soon and I, for one, am waiting in anticipation.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Regret
When he left 6 years ago, I was happy. It had been a rough year – trying to adjust to living with someone who didn’t live the same way I did. The disorganization, the mess…the constant struggle to stay on top of it all. We got along great, but there were challenges as we struggled to figure things out and get used to each other. But I loved him with all my heart. And he loved me. I know he loved me. That being said, when the time came for us to fish or cut bait, we cut the line.
In spite of the years and the physical distance between us, I still kept him close in my heart. He was supposed to be the one that, when all was said and done, I could run back to. I realize now that none other was good enough to fill that space he left. And just when I was getting ready to reach out to him after all those years and tell him so, I realized I was too late. He is gone. Forever. And he will never know how I really felt...
In spite of the years and the physical distance between us, I still kept him close in my heart. He was supposed to be the one that, when all was said and done, I could run back to. I realize now that none other was good enough to fill that space he left. And just when I was getting ready to reach out to him after all those years and tell him so, I realized I was too late. He is gone. Forever. And he will never know how I really felt...
Friday, May 13, 2011
A Poem
Fact - we spend most of our waking hours at work. It stands to reason we become attached to our co-workers as an extension of our families. A former boss is leaving the company - someone with whom I - and many others - have a love/hate relationship. Naturally, when I heard the news she was leaving I thought back on 11 years of working with/near her. Many trials and tribulations were had in addition to even many more successes and achievements. At the end of the day, I am a much better person for having known her. Thank you, Lydia. This one's for you!
Moving On
They say:
“Don’t cry because it’s over
Smile because it happened”
Rejoice in our together time,
For there has been much.
Days and nights of chaos!
But you were always there.
Putting out fires.
And stirring the pot.
Never backing down once
From challenges and such.
You were my mentor.
You were my guide.
You taught me well, dear friend.
But now we must say “goodbye”
In collective heart you reside,
In shared mind we recall,
The laughter and tears
Of success and defeat.
But is it really goodbye?
Maybe not for long…
A temporary state.
For our time’s not yet done.
Moving On
They say:
“Don’t cry because it’s over
Smile because it happened”
Rejoice in our together time,
For there has been much.
Days and nights of chaos!
But you were always there.
Putting out fires.
And stirring the pot.
Never backing down once
From challenges and such.
You were my mentor.
You were my guide.
You taught me well, dear friend.
But now we must say “goodbye”
In collective heart you reside,
In shared mind we recall,
The laughter and tears
Of success and defeat.
But is it really goodbye?
Maybe not for long…
A temporary state.
For our time’s not yet done.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Thoughts on Solitude
Solitude – noun - the state of being or living alone; seclusion: to enjoy one's solitude.
Alone. Can one really enjoy being alone?
I believe the more apropos question is: does one really want to be alone? I have to think on this a bit. If you had asked me 10, 5, 2 or even 1 year ago I would have replied with an emphatic “NO!” The older I get though, the more I realize that being alone really isn’t so bad; it does have certain advantages, as well as disadvantages. At a minimum, it’s at least more tolerable now than it was 10 years ago.
Anne Boleyn’s husband chopped her head off when she couldn’t produce an heir to the thrown and in response her daughter, Elizabeth I, vowed never to marry a man but instead wedded herself to a country. In this day and age, such action would seem extreme but the sentiment is certainly attractive. Although I have no desire to marry a municipality, I see value in staying true to one’s own values and not putting yourself in a situation where you may potentially have to compromise those values to accommodate a partner.
It seems that almost everywhere I look these days people are in unhappy or unsatisfying relationships that came about out of initial lust for their partner that slowly died off over time, or were simply out of habit or sense of duty. They got married because they felt it was the right thing to do, or it was expected of them. Reflecting on my own relationship history, I can easily see those times where I could have fallen into that same hole of acquiescence with society’s view of how I should be living my life. However, never having been one to fully conform to the system, I find myself now – at age 40 – single and alone.
And for the most part I don’t mind. I don’t have to answer to anyone but myself. I can go where I want, with whom I want and not have to check in with someone else before, during and after doing so.
That being said, I freely admit there are times like today – a cold, windy rainy day – where I would like nothing but to play hooky from work and snuggle under a down comforter with my beloved, keeping each other warm.
As I sit here alone, pondering my past, present and future as a singleton, I find that I am neither sad nor happy about this state of mine. This leads me to believe that acceptance of solitude is not yet forthcoming, and perhaps there is still a little glimmer of hope.
Alone. Can one really enjoy being alone?
I believe the more apropos question is: does one really want to be alone? I have to think on this a bit. If you had asked me 10, 5, 2 or even 1 year ago I would have replied with an emphatic “NO!” The older I get though, the more I realize that being alone really isn’t so bad; it does have certain advantages, as well as disadvantages. At a minimum, it’s at least more tolerable now than it was 10 years ago.
Anne Boleyn’s husband chopped her head off when she couldn’t produce an heir to the thrown and in response her daughter, Elizabeth I, vowed never to marry a man but instead wedded herself to a country. In this day and age, such action would seem extreme but the sentiment is certainly attractive. Although I have no desire to marry a municipality, I see value in staying true to one’s own values and not putting yourself in a situation where you may potentially have to compromise those values to accommodate a partner.
It seems that almost everywhere I look these days people are in unhappy or unsatisfying relationships that came about out of initial lust for their partner that slowly died off over time, or were simply out of habit or sense of duty. They got married because they felt it was the right thing to do, or it was expected of them. Reflecting on my own relationship history, I can easily see those times where I could have fallen into that same hole of acquiescence with society’s view of how I should be living my life. However, never having been one to fully conform to the system, I find myself now – at age 40 – single and alone.
And for the most part I don’t mind. I don’t have to answer to anyone but myself. I can go where I want, with whom I want and not have to check in with someone else before, during and after doing so.
That being said, I freely admit there are times like today – a cold, windy rainy day – where I would like nothing but to play hooky from work and snuggle under a down comforter with my beloved, keeping each other warm.
As I sit here alone, pondering my past, present and future as a singleton, I find that I am neither sad nor happy about this state of mine. This leads me to believe that acceptance of solitude is not yet forthcoming, and perhaps there is still a little glimmer of hope.
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